Monthly Archives: July 2013

Fighting Tyler Durden (Meeting Tyler #4)


The wrestling mat was in the backyard. Large lights had been placed on two opposite sides. The fights had apparently started. Tyler wandered near the front of the ‘arena’, while I stayed near the back.

Now, to be honest, it was not meant for anyone to get injured during the fights. However, it still was pretty brutal: punching was allowed except in the face and you couldn’t hit anyone in the balls. Unlike the “Fight Club” Rules, you could wear a shirt if you wanted. Most of the men did, as I recall.

The fight taking place was between our tallest built member and a shorter, yet very quick member. The tall fellow was my next closest friend in the group, and I was surprised he was participating. Yet, I did notice he wasn’t overly tough in his punching, but he did still win the fight.

And now, it was my turn.

I got onto the mat and I was shaking. This was out of my comfort zone by a million times. I watched as Tyler put on open fingered gloves and took off his black sweatshirt he always wore. As I said in my first entry, Tyler was not a psychically imposing man. He was average height and was on the thinner side. But, he was strong. He wasn’t the strongest man in the group, but his strength was certainly above mine. I knew he could punch well and I knew he was quick. I had no training in any athletic capacity and this was obviously a mismatched fight.

“Um, how do we know who wins?” I asked Tyler.

He laughed. “You’ll know.”

Someone shouted the fight had started and Tyler was coming at me fast.

I put my fists up like I knew what I was doing. Tyler came at my left side and punched me hard. It didn’t hurt exactly, but it caused me to lurch backward.

 POW! He hit me in the stomach that time. That one hurt. I managed to pull myself forward and braced my fist toward his right shoulder. I missed. BAM! His fist rammed in my chest. He had used full force this time and I was winded.

Non of the men were cheering. But, the women were. My name was being shouted, as were things like, “You can do it!” “Hit him hard!” “Take him down!” And, my favorite, “We love you!”

Tyler did not like me getting all the support so he hit me as hard as he could in the stomach. This knocked me down. I didn’t move what felt like forever, hoping the fight would end. But then, a man shouted, “Come on, get back up! You got this!”

I got to my feet and stared Tyler in the face. “That hurt,” I told him. He smirked at me. A sort of devilish smirk. A smirk I would see later in our friendship as well.

After sort of jumping in place, Tyler began coming toward me again. I could tell he was coming for my shoulder… I realized there was only one way I would win this thing…

BLAMMO! I punched at his jawline as hard as I could. Tyler was shocked and fell down. The men let out a gasp. But, the women let out a cheer. I couldn’t help but smile. But when I saw a bruise forming down his lip, I knew I was in trouble.

“You hit me. In. The. Face.” Tyler exclaimed, glaring at me from down on the floor. And then, like a snake in grass, he crawled very fast toward my leg and pulled me down. He rolled me onto my back and got on top of me and was ready to kill me. He began to punch me on the sides— he still had enough willpower to not aim for the face. This only lasted a couple of seconds before he was pulled off by some of the men. But, the damage was done. My left side was sore. And as I write this, a phantom pain has overcome me.

It goes without saying, Tyler was extremely upset with me the rest of the night— and didn’t talk to me for a few weeks afterward.

Next time, the series will come to an end as I reveal what the straw was that broke the camel’s back — and how this unhealthy friendship came to an end.

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Meeting Tyler Durden: Part 3

Didn’t read Part 2? Start here: Part 2

As I told you last time, Tyler began to change the year I began college. I believe the negative characteristics he began to show were always there, yet they were deep down. For some reason, a switch went off and the young man I had become friends with was no longer there. It got to the point in which I never knew if we’d be friends from one day to the next.

Without knowing it at the time, I was in an emotional abusive relationship. More on that later.

I’ve made this entire Tyler Durden analogy for a reason— something happened that summer that shook me to the core.

Tyler invited me to a party. That was never out of the ordinary, so I said, “Sure!” We got to the party and before we went inside, he stopped me from unbuckling my seat belt. “Okay, so, I wasn’t completely honest with you. This isn’t exactly a party.”

“What is it,” I said, quite fearful.

“It’s Fight Club night.”


I swear this is true.

As we entered the home where the ‘party’ was, cheering began. I quickly realized Tyler had been the organizer of this event and I wanted to go home. I had no idea what was about to happen, but I was sure it was against some laws.

“Alright Gentleman… and ladies! Welcome to Fight Night! So, the fights will begin momentarily. But before we begin, we have a new guest with us.  It’s his first time here! And what do we say…?”



Yes. I was at a real life fight club. My heart began racing and I was ready to vomit. I looked around and I knew most of the guests. There were young women there, but it was an unspoken understanding they were there to oogle over the guys fighting.

Let it be known not all men in theatre are tiny and limp. No. Quite the opposite. There’s a lot of big strong men in theatre. Me, well, I’m not strong at all. I was in big trouble. But, I couldn’t leave. And, if I didn’t fight, I’d be the laughing stock of the entire department.

I was like a pig in a slaughter house.

I wandered away from the party, into the house garage and began thinking over my options. In the middle of the room was a punching bag. While alone, I gave it my best punch. OW! It hurt.

Tyler entered the garage. There was a moment of silence before he began punching the bag. And, if I didn’t know any better, this guy had had training from Muhammad Ali.

“So, Tyler… who am I going to have to fight tonight?”

Without looking away he said, “You’ll be fighting the person who invited you. So, you’re fighting me.”

Holy Shit, I thought.

 I’m going to die.

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Meeting Tyler Durden: Part 2

Didn’t see the beginning of the story?  Start here: 

As I said, the rest of that year was fantastic. But then, I began college.

I had a hard time adjusting. Meanwhile, at the high school, Tyler was now top dog from my understanding, and things were as perfect for him as they ever were. I longed to go back there. I wasn’t happy and begun struggling with depression.


I had depression in high school, but it was always well-balanced because of Tyler. He was my therapist. He’d be the one I’d call. He’d mutter the perfect words to make me feel good again. This sort of thing went off and on during high school, but began increasing at an unhealthy rate once I got to college.

The only time I felt good was when I’d return to the high school— and see a production and the people I had to leave behind.

The production this year was CINDERELLA.Image

Tyler had been cast as the Prince. But, instead of basking in the role, he was pissed. You see, the role of Cinderella had gone to a choir girl who had never been in a play before. Tyler argued the casting was unjust and that the woman playing the part was ugly and annoying. Tyler was also furious because everyone was sure a certain girl would be cast as Cinderella. Tyler was banking on getting to kiss her… but unfortunately for him, this girl was cast as one of the ugly stepsisters.


I struggled with the situation. In my eyes, the department was built around accepting others.

I was shocked and was turned off by Tyler’s attitude.

With Tyler hating Cinderella and my declining mental health, our friendship began to dwindle. Tyler would stop answering my texts and calls.

This was where his kind and caring personality began to fade away.


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Meeting Tyler Durden: Part 1


We all know the name. We all know the personality. We all know the danger. Tyler Durden. While Tyler Duden is a fictional character, we have all  met him in our lives. He can be a he. He can be a she. I guarantee at some point in your life, you’ve met a ‘Tyler Durden.’ Their looks are twice as good as yours. Their charisma is off the charts. You toss and turn at night, wondering why you weren’t them instead.

Durden comes from the story FIGHT CLUB, where Durden represents what the narrator wishes to be and exhibits characteristics the narrator can only dream of having. Of course, it is revealed later in the story, the Narrator is in fact Tyler Durden, a sort of split personality.

This is the beginning of my story of when I met Tyler Durden in my life. I met Tyler in high school. Tyler wasn’t really a looker. He was 5’7′, not fat. Not thin. Just where he should be. His hair was fluffy and blond, his skin fair with a touch of redness. Where he lacked in looks, he made up for personality. When he talked, you listened. When he smiled at you, you felt acknowledged. We were theatre geeks. While I was primarily an actor, Tyler was also a techie, meaning he sometimes worked on the sets, sounds, or lights of the productions. That was one thing he had over me. I lacked the skills to be technical and admired him for how he could build and design. Like many friendships, I don’t remember exactly how we became friends.

Admittedly, friends were new to me— I was often alone and rarely got out. So, at the age of 16, when social acceptance is so highly important, I found myself with a best friend. It was my opinion that Tyler was very good with people and he was popular. People fought to sit by him in class, people wanted to have lunch with him and so on. I had somewhat become his sidekick— glaringly awkward, but accepted because Tyler Durden wanted me in his group. And that’s exactly what it was. The entire theatre department was divided into three groups. The Popular, The Seniors, and the Outcasts. The Outcasts was where we all start. And I was in that group until Tyler brought me over to the Popular. Tyler was only a sophomore when he and I met, but it was my interpretation that aside from The Seniors, he was the one to be friends with. Tyler came from a broken home life. He was affected by his home and it wasn’t a place he ever really wanted to be. Without going deep into such private information, I will say from a theatre standpoint— Tyler felt pressure from his youngest brother, who was musically inclined and somewhat the apple of his mother’s eye.Image

Tyler’s brother was getting into professional shows where we lived and winning all kinds of awards. I would often try to help him by giving him words of encouragement. But he seemed to always block my words. While I knew about his pain from what I observed, he never told me anything. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me, because he would never share intimate details of his life or thoughts. I asked him about it one day and he replied, “Don’t take it personally. I’m just a private person.” When I was finally a Senior– he a Junior— I found myself in a war with Tyler and the Seniors. You can’t be friends with him, they’d say. He’s part of the PROBLEM. You see, in short, The Seniors were somewhat rebelling against the department. There was an issue during a production and they wanted our teacher fired. Image

For the sake of the story, the teacher did nothing wrong. Some Seniors had broken rules and when punished, they sought revenge. And truth be known, I had never really fit in with these group of people— the people that I ‘should have’ been friends with, because we were of the same class. Now, while some Seniors I did get along with, the main click of that group I did not. For awhile, there was this push pull. The Seniors tried to entice me with offers. Offers of ACCEPTANCE. I was even offered a chance to be featured in that year’s talent show— being run by the Seniors. They had a petition they wanted me to sign. The petition to fire the drama teacher. I didn’t give in. I didn’t sign. In the end, the problematic Seniors left the department and all that was left were a select few– and then, Tyler and the rest. With The Seniors gone, Tyler shot up to the top. Now, understand, this is all sociology. There wasn’t actually a GROUP called “The Populars”, etc. But socially speaking, there was a division and now, Tyler was the leader. And for the rest of the year, everything was dandy. Absolutely fantastic. But, things soon would crumble. Tyler Durden ‘s smile would soon turn into an angry glare—

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The New Kids at Degrassi

I turned on my computer and went to Time to watch the season 13 premiere of Degrassi!


I was genuinely excited, mostly because I was anxiously awaiting the three new characters, Miles, Chewy, and Zoe. It is always interesting to see new characters arrive, how they fit into the current narrative and to see their humble beginnings.

If you follow this blog, you know a friend of mine was in the running to be a new cast member. I didn’t know if he had in fact been cast, as it’s a no-no to announce to the world you’re a major player until you get the okay from production. I had my worries he hadn’t made the cut because I didn’t see any change in his social media behavior.

My friend was up for the role of Miles Hollingsworth, the third, the rich bad boy who takes interest in Maya Matlin.


While I was sad I wasn’t seeing my friend on screen, I do enjoy Eric Osborne in the role. His looks are charming and he has a way of smirking so that you aren’t sure you can trust him. As a writer, I am fascinated at how  we first meet a character. A character’s introduction is extremely important. It’s their first impression. Miles is introduced in a storage room at a concernt venue, smoking marijuana. Maya Matlin wants to get into the concert and Miles says he can get her in. He’s with the band, he tells her. Their exchange is enduring and dare I say, cute. “I’m Matlin. Maya Matlin,” says Maya, clearly tongue tied at the sight of our new Craig Manning. Miles repeats it back to her and he hurries down the staircase as Maya takes a moment to breathe as she realizes she’s interested in him.

What’s interesting about Miles is that he’s being advertised in media as a bad boy.


But, this interpretation isn’t entirely accurate. In the episodes so far, he’s proven to be genuine and kind. He gave a credit card to Maya when she needed a cab home, hugged Tristan telling him he was fine with his sexuality— I’m sure Miles may exhibit some ‘bad boy’ qualities eventually. But, in the character’s initial introduction, he’s anything but.

I do have an issue with Zoe Rives, however.

ImageNot with the actress, mind you. Ana Golja is doing perfectly good work. It’s with the writing. Zoe is clearly a bad girl. She’s not very keen on hanging with Maya and proves she has a nasty streak in her. The issue with Zoe is this— while she is meant to be bad, I don’t think it works to have her be mean to Maya right off the bat. In most fiction, having an antagonist be mean upfront works. (Take The Wicked Witch, for example.) But Degrassi is supposed to mimic reality. This is high school. Sure, girls can be mean. But, in the context of Zoe being a new girl, I don’t think she’d show her true colors instantly. The character is an ACTRESS. So, wouldn’t it had been better to have her act all sweet and nice and slowly begin to crack? I may be taking to a wall. But, in my writing, my antagonists don’t show up immediately  trying to kill our hero. And, again with realism, I’d say there is a literary movement surrounding writing villains as well-rounded people, meaning they express positive and negative attributes. That’s the thing: Villains are people too. They need reasons and motivations for being bad. And I don’t see why Zoe is so horrible to Maya.

Image My opinion on Chewy is short. I do like the dynamic between him and Miles. It appears to be reminiscent of Toby and J.T.’s friendship. (For you young fans, those are two original characters.) As of now, Chewy’s character is mainly a support, a ‘best friend.’ He is not an individual just yet. But, I have high hopes we will soon see his ideals, hopes and dreams and see him emerge out of Miles’ shadow.

Image Lastly, I just want to point out that Degrassi’s new intro is HORRIBLE. It was always such a joy to see the new season intro’s because you would get a hint at the character’s personalities as we watched them at the school in the title sequence. I’m hoping this current intro is strictly for the Summer Block and that afterward, it is destroyed and never to return again.

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The Youtuber who Self Deleted

I believe it was early 2006 when I joined Youtube. Before its creation, video on the internet was obscure, and even if you found video, the quality was horrid. I used Youtube mainly to laugh, to cheer up. I never thought it would one day be the media giant it is now.

However, shortly after its creation, I decided one day to type ‘acting’ into the search bar. It was the first ‘serious’ thing I had searched for. This was before Shane Dawson, mind you. No one was on this site yet. It was all funny videos with very little serious content.

There were several results. But, one video thumbnail caught my eye. There was a young man in a red robe, with his back to the camera, parodying Tom Cruise’s scene from Risky Business. I clicked the video link and laughed and smiled. Remember, Youtube was new. This was a rarity. No one else had thought to do this, yet.

The man in the robe was Andrew McCarthy.


He was 17 or 18, I believe. He was right around my age. His videos consisted of acted monologues he had written or the occasional ‘funny video’ that was popular at the time. (He had this video where he ate a wrapped chocolate egg around Easter that was pretty clever.) He had also written and published a book of short stories. My interest in writing was just beginning, but I was intrigued. I regret not buying his book.

I’d like to say that Andrew and I became friends shortly after I subscribed to him.This was when MYSPACE was the place to be and he added me and a few others that watched his Youtube Videos to his friend list. Now, I know we weren’t close friends, by any means. But, this was before Youtubers had Facebook fan pages. Not everyone got added to a person’s private profile, but I had made the cut.

I remember one day in particular. I was having a rough day and was doubting my future as an actor. I was not a ‘looker’ by any means and was very worried that I’d never make it anywhere in life. I had summed up this belief in a MYSPACE post. Andrew was the first, and only person to comment. While I can not remember his exact words, he was comforting and supportive, telling me to have faith in my dreams and not give up. This was a big deal, because I think this was right before Andrew landed a role in a major Indie Film, Still Here.

Still Here was a big deal to me. Andrew played Adian, a high schooler who had just lost his girl friend in a tragic accident. I was excited to see Andrew’s acting abilities in a major setting. Throughout the film’s production, Andrew would share screen caps of the film or behind the scenes pictures. I was in total heaven, seeing someone I admired get his big break.

This is where our story goes dark. Andrew began appearing on YouTube less frequently. The time the film should have seen release came and went— Myspace faded into obscurity. And one day, Andrew’s 30+ videos were gone. It was like he had never existed.

That was 5 years ago. If you go to Andrew’s  channel, , you will see a video from March of this year. But, it’s of Andrew’s cat— and Andrew doesn’t respond to comments anymore.

While we know he’s ‘alive’, this random cat video is totally out of left field. Andrew never posted anything like that before.


What caused him to leave Youtube?

It just, sort of hurts. Andrew was a you tuber I really enjoyed. And out of all the youtubers I watched, he was the one I had hoped to stick around.

I wonder why he didn’t.

My hope is that Andrew returns to YouTube or at the very least, makes it big in the acting world. He had raw talent and was just a plain old good guy.

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Debate with the Joker.



I’ve written about him before. Onision is the username belonging to Greg, a semi-famous youtuber.  (Full name has not been confirmed.) He is famous for his crude humor, acting abilities and advice videos.

Onision has gotten a lot of hate over the years. His humor is very crude and sometimes hard to stomach. Onision usually combats his haters with more skits and even created a character that represented a ‘hater’ that appeared in videos from time to time.


In recent weeks, Onision has taken the haters head-on, by debating them via google hangouts. I’ve only watched a few.

The thing about Greg, is that he is a mastermind. He’s smart as a whip and can outsmart most people. If you watch these debates, you can tell when he begins to spin the truth and makes the other person question their opinion. Now, the debate I saw was with user SOMEGUY827. Someguy is a smart person, too. He never strayed from his point, but you could tell Greg was tripping him up.

However, there was one person Greg really wanted to debate. And if you ask me, the debates were created for this sole user: MRREPZION.


Repzion is Daniel, I believe a man of 20 or 21. Daniel gives off the impression he has a high intellect, and I believe, is probably the one person in this ‘drama’ that could mop the floor with Greg. I was anxiously waiting for the two to debate. I feel it would be the only debate that was evenly matched.

However, for some reason, Daniel did not take the opportunity. I don’t understand why. There was the interesting part that Greg requested a mediator during the debate, something he did not have in the others. Did Onision know he’d need ‘help’ when debating Daniel? So, we can suspect Daniel found this unfair and decided to not debate Greg.

This flew Greg into a tailspin. He couldn’t grasp the thought of being turned down. And, I suspect, again, that the debates were really all about debating Daniel. So, what did Greg do? He put a sock on his left hand, dubbed it “Repsock” drew eyes on it, had some fake hair at the top— and debated THAT for almost an hour.


I didn’t watch that video. I only saw the first minute, I found it unwatchable.

To combat this, Daniel made a 22 minute video as a response, THE FINAL FALL OF ONISION. Daniel made many points, but one which stood out was proof Greg had made fun of rape victims, something SOMEGUY827 could not do, during his debate.

Finally, Greg made a 9 minute video response.  (But not before marking a privacy complaint against Daniel’s video.) Here, he sought out to prove Daniel wanted to debate with him (which Daniel denies.) And then, Greg goes on a rant about how bringing his family into it is wrong.

On Daniel’s tumblr, his ask is being flooded with Onision questions. And, I don’t see why not. These two are in a war right now. People love a good train wreck.

But, what this entry really is about is my opinion on Onision (Greg.)

Greg reminds me a lot of a friend I used to have. The friend was charming, well liked, very smart– seemingly a good guy. But, the friend was secretly manipulative and could make people do as he wanted.

I dreamed about Greg last night.

We were in a college dorm room, playing some video game. His wife was there too, but said almost nothing. I remember feeling very uncomfortable, almost fearful I would be attacked physically, if I said the wrong thing.

I remember mentioning Daniel in the dream— Greg gave me this wicked smile, and that was all. I lastly remember Greg telling me it was time to leave. He walked me to the door. I began asking him a question– but he pushed the door against me and forced me out. I then heard the door lock.

As I walked out in the hallway, I heard Greg let out his ‘joker laugh’, and I felt afraid.


I think everyone needs to leave Greg alone. I feel if he is pushed, he could do something dangerous. He’s cunning. He is strong. He shouldn’t be messed with. The guy is a brilliant actor, but there is no doubt in my mind he has some sort of mental illness.

Daniel needs to just stay clear. And everyone else too.

Because. There is no telling what Greg might do next.

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